Once someone knows their Enneagram type, their next thought often involves wanting to learn more about what it means for their relationships. People are inquisitive to understand which Enneagram types go together harmoniously.
All Enneagram types can go well together. And all types can struggle too. The prosperity of relationships based on the Enneagram system is mostly reliant on the partners’ capacity for self-knowing rather than their particular Enneagram classification.
The basic rules for all Enneagram relationships are:
- Two highly self-aware people have the best chance of success
- Two highly unself-aware people may stay together, but the relationship is likely fraught with fights, misunderstandings, disconnects, and loneliness
- If one person is highly self-aware and the other isn’t, usually the relationship just stops making sense at some point. There may not be enough of a foundation to continue
Enneagram Relationships Based on Enneagram Type – Here’s What You Need to Know:
No two Enneagram types are the same when it comes to relationships, but every pairing presents its own set of strengths and drawbacks.
Utilizing this “Vocabulary of Affection” is the Essential Element to a Enduring Association (What is Your Skill Level?)
A survey of over 100 couples of differing types has revealed the ideal and the not-so-ideal aspects of their relationships.
Enneagram Type 1 (Perfectionist/Reformer)
Expect a conscientious, principled, methodical, problem-solving partner.
People with type 1 personalities are known for their dedication to their work, a strong sense of integrity, moral conduct, and an unshakeable moral compass. Type 1s have an emphasis on enhancing their capabilities, and while they may find fault with you, they are even more demanding of themselves.
What’s hard:
The idea of “all work and no play” may be common, and Type 1s may occasionally put the needs of the practical world ahead of their emotional needs.
This is the type of person who won’t listen to your troubles until the dishes are washed and may be addicted to work. They can also be control freaks.
Enneagram Type 2 (Helper/Giver/Lover)
In Enneagram connections, anticipate Type 2 to be an understanding, caring, understanding companion who worries about other people. Those with Type 2 personalities are attentive to the needs of the people around them, and can be very tender, caring, and understanding companions.
What’s hard:
People with Type 2 personalities struggle to practice self-care and set healthy boundaries. As their companion, you may find yourself becoming a part of your Type 2’s life, and your relationship may take the back seat to other things.
Enneagram Type 3 (Achiever/Motivator)
Expect a hard-working, energetic, fast-paced, responsible, action-oriented partner. Type 3 individuals concentrate on success and are able to meet their aspirations very effectively.
What’s hard:
Putting too much emphasis on how one looks and worrying too much about what other people are thinking can be draining and create clashes. Type 3s have an exceptional awareness of how they come across to others and a fear of not living up to expectations in the eyes of their peers. It is possible that you may exhaust yourself due to Type 3’s preoccupation with appearances.
Enneagram Type 4 (Individualist/Romantic)
Anticipate someone who is adept at expressing their emotions who is perceptive, fresh, and genuine. The focus of Type 4s is on what is absent, and they can demonstrate an extraordinary understanding of emotions and inventive invention.
What’s hard:
Individuals of Type 4 tend to be especially aware of their own faults and areas of weakness, and they may become overwhelmed by their negative emotions as a result. Their negative self-talk might become draining for you.
Enneagram Type 5 (Investigator/Observer)
In a relationship between Enneagram types, Type 5 should be recognized as an individual who is reticent, not asking for much, day-to-day hassle-free, loyal, solid, and accepting.
People with a Type 5 personality pay attention to what others require and expect of them while preserving their individuality.
What’s hard:
Type 5s may be so withdrawn and apprehensive that you may feel like you’re not being heard and no one is paying attention to you, leading to feelings of loneliness or exclusion. You may find yourself in situations where Type 5 keeps things to himself and closes you off.
Enneagram Type 6 (Loyalist/Skeptic)
Expect a loyal, vigilant, hard-working, devoted, security-oriented partner. Focus Type 6 relies on anticipating possible risks or threats to their safety.
What’s hard:
The Enneagram type 6 can be preoccupied with what bad might happen and may seem overly pessimistic in relationships. You may become weary of perceiving their apprehension concerning what might not go as planned.
Enneagram Type 7 (Enthusiast/Adventurer)
Expect a positive, curious, high-energy, lively, adventure-seeking partner. Enneagram relationships feature Type 7 individuals who seek amusement and a positive outlook in spite of life’s adversities.
What’s hard:
Type 7s consider negative feelings very intimidating, so they pack their timetable with lots of tasks, although they may not totally be aware they are doing it to try to escape the situation.
This subconscious avoidance technique might be challenging for you. You may become weary of the extremely sunny outlook that the Type 7s tend to have.
Enneagram Type 8 (Leader/Challenger)
Look for a partner who is straight-up, assertive, watchful, inventive, tenacious, and resolute who could make an effort to look after the family, guard those they cherish, and make the path to a brighter future easier for those closest to them.
What’s hard:
Type 8s are frequently known for their confrontational way of speaking and fail to comprehend how their forceful words can affect those around them. This could be tough for you and the individuals around them. They may find it hard to express their delicate feelings to you.
Enneagram Type 9 (Peacemaker/Mediator)
Anticipate a pleasant, encouraging, calming, responsive companion who pays attention and who values harmony. People who are classified as Type 9 tend to be the mediators in situations of conflict, working to find solutions that will satisfy both sides and bring harmony.
What’s hard:
Slothfulness, apathy, and procrastination may be difficult for Type 9s to contend with and their tendency to be averse to confrontation can make their passive-aggressive style of communication a difficult obstacle. You might also suffer when they stonewall you.
BONUS: Understanding ESFJ Compatibility & Relationships
ESFJs are affectionate and considerate individuals who treasure connections and tranquility. These people are highly in tune with the feelings and requirements of others, making them wonderful companions. ESFJs tend to gravitate towards those who uphold the same beliefs they do and recognize their loyalty when it comes to maintaining long-term relationships. They do well in an atmosphere that is dependable and trustworthy and they seek to make a place they call home that is warm and inviting. When it comes to ESFJ relationships, they typically find the most success with a partner who can both relate to them on the same level and teach them something new. Mutual understanding and experiences are key for a fulfilling connection, alongside someone who is different enough to provide a unique perspective.
ESFJ relationships basics
When an ESFJ enters a partnership, they will ensure it is kept stable, with genuine sincerity and devotion. They are partners who show care and take into account others’ opinions, and are always eager to listen and provide helpful feedback. They show loyalty, they are friendly, and they want to form strong emotional connections. ESFJs tend to favor long-term associations as it enables them to develop strong connections with their significant other. These people demonstrate a natural inclination towards action by going beyond the typical expectations in regards to creating special occasions or activities for their significant other.
ESFJs possess remarkable skill at perceiving other individuals and discerning their deeper feelings. Having a high level of empathy is a great perk in a partnership since it permits a person to comprehend and meet their mate’s requirements effectively. They will frequently make an effort to ensure their partners feel bolstered and safe. They are always making sure their partner has whatever is necessary to be content.
Individuals who belong to this temperament are usually frank when sharing their emotions and intentions when it comes to personal connections. They are very open about their emotions, which can make them susceptible to feeling rejected or hurt. Finding love doesn’t have to involve taking risks; it can work out wonderfully. When it comes to conveying their requirements as opposed to their emotions, they tell a very different tale. ESFJs may be reluctant to communicate their wants for fear of alienating their companions.
ESFJs have an unusual balance when it relates to all kinds of relationships. They find the most joy in stable, enduring relationships. Alternatively, they are usually acceptable of informal intercourse as well, as they enjoy the thrill that may accompany it. The outcome is contingent upon their needs at that particular moment, and whether they chance upon the ideal individual.
ESFJ strengths in relationships
The following strengths are typical of ESFJs in relationships.
- Attentive. ESFJs are one of the most attentive personality types. As one of the most selfless personality types, a lot of their energy is focused on other people rather than themselves. ESFJs are able to instinctively pick up on their partner’s needs and respond in kind.
- Devoted. ESFJs are devoted when it comes to relationships and they take their commitments seriously. They’re traditional and once they’ve decided to enter into a relationship, they’ll be sure to work on it. Relationships are a big part of their lives and they’ll do whatever it takes to make them work.
- Affectionate. ESFJs are affectionate people, especially toward their partners. They aren’t afraid to show their affection in public and they often share photos of themselves and their partner on social media. In addition, they often express their love in all kinds of ways, such as by cooking special meals or sending cute texts.
- Responsible. ESFJs tend to be highly practical and realistic which makes them very responsible. You can count on them to take care of day-to-day necessities such as paying bills or grocery shopping. But it’s important to note that they can become overwhelmed or stressed if they take on too much responsibility.
ESFJ weaknesses in relationships
The following weaknesses are typical of ESFJs in relationships.
- Too selfless. ESFJs can be too selfless when it comes to relationships. They can be so focused on their partner’s needs that they can lose their sense of self. This can be a problem in relationships because they can become overly accommodating and lose their sense of boundaries.
- Sensitive to criticism. ESFJs can take criticism personally, and they can see it as a personal attack. This can lead to arguments and misunderstandings in relationships. It’s important for their partners to be aware of this and try to communicate in a way that is understanding and supportive.
- Judgmental. ESFJs tend to follow the rules and stick to tradition. They can be judgmental and they often have clear views on how people should live their lives. For example, they can be deeply disapproving of people who break unspoken social rules. In certain situations, they can be narrow-minded and inflexible.
- Need for external validation. ESFJs need quite a lot of validation from their partners which can lead to an unhealthy dependency on the approval of their partner. If they don’t get the validation they are looking for, ESFJs can become insecure and needy in relationships.
ESFJs falling in love basics
Love is a priority for ESFJs. They are fervent persons in every aspect of their lives, including matters of the heart. Individuals with this personality type have lofty expectations when selecting their romantic partner and can be choosy. However, upon discovering the ideal partner, they will quickly become deeply and profoundly attached. They don’t accept anything lower than what they wish for, but when the right person arrives, they will provide them with every ounce of their devotion.
ESFJs usually do not hide their emotions and are usually frank regarding their sentiments. They are not usually timid when it comes to expressing their emotions. For them, the emotion of being in love is an enjoyable and wonderful feeling, and they revel in traveling down this path with their significant others. ESFJs often seem fervent, but their fervor originates from their heartfeltness and ambition to have a more profound bond.
Once they have feelings of love, ESFJs become devoted and dependable mates. They are not scared to demonstrate their adoration, so prepare for some remarkable demonstrations of devotion. It’s guaranteed that there won’t be any need to stress about missed dates or anniversaries. They love a good excuse to celebrate!
Those with this sort of character frequently display their emotions openly and are happy to give more than required for the individuals they care about. For people of this personality type, love is an all-encompassing, passionate thing; they are incapable of loving someone just partially. When it comes to matters of the heart, ESFJs are dedicated to having an enduring relationship.
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